On Being Pregnant… Again.

* 24 weeks *

Being pregnant with a toddler running around your legs in circles at the speed of light has been, shall we say… a “different” experience from being pregnant for the first time.

I have to be honest, I think I’m enjoying this pregnancy more. For one, I feel better (which I think is because we have fairly majorly changed our diet in the last 3-12 months, but more about that in another post). I have been less tired this time than the first time, which is crazy, because this time I have a toddler to run after. But it’s true. And I’m lovin’ it. I don’t get any nauseousness, which was really nice, and I’m not yet huge enough to feel beached-whale-like. Ah, the golden 2nd trimester (and if you’re me, the golden first as well… thank-you God!).

The major difference this time is that I don’t really have a whole lot of free “mental space” as I did last time. Last time I was busy, sure… I had work, household responsibilities, a husband, a commute, friends, family. But I would generally spend every waking minute with “holy-crow-i’m-having-a-BABY” chanting in the back of my mind. It was quite unbelievable to me. It felt surreal to the max.

I remember the first time I heard Isaac’s heartbeat in utero. My eyes widened, and I looked at Chris and said “What!! There really IS a baby in there!!!” (I swear I saw the doctor giving me a “what a nutcase” glance). And when it came time for the nurse to tell me that I was fully dilated and ready to push, the tears came inexplicably and uncontrollably. It was like I was expecting this whole time for someone to pop out and cry “kidding! you’re not really pregnant… it’s all been a weird/creepy/bizarre/elaborate joke!”. Not that I wanted that of course, but again, the whole idea of me having a baby was completely surreal. It was what I had wanted my whole life, and now it was *actually happening?!?!*. Before I even understood marriage, and the idea of having a husband, I was playing house and imagining that my dollies were my real babies, and what that would be like.

10 minutes of pushing later, and he was out. Apparently I’m a champion pusher, because first babies usually take much, much longer to push out (or maybe they just told me that to make me feel good, I don’t know). They put him on my chest, and it was like an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t hear anything in the room, and I couldn’t see anything through my tears, except for his perfect little face, inches from mine. “He’s real!”, I exclaimed with wonder. I couldn’t help it – the words just popped out of my mouth without me even thinking, quickly followed up with “He’s beautiful!”. I kissed his little face in wonder, and I’ve hardly stopped since.

The surreal feeling is strangely lacking this time. It feels… right. Just the way it’s supposed to be. I’m a mama, and I’m growing another life in my womb. What a ridiculously amazing thing. My life is just as I hoped it would be, when I was playing dollies all those years ago. Actually no, scratch that… it’s WAY better.

This little girlie growing in my belly is already loved in a precious and familiar way.

He was my first. He made me a mama. Everything was a first, a wonder, a learning experience.

She is my second. Her mama is already looking forward to kisses and giggles and baby toes, because she already knows just how incredible those things are. I am already savoring the beauty of what’s to come.

First and second.

Differently experienced, yet uniquely and equally loved. What a wonder!

24 weeks pregnant with Isaac. I think I look about the same as this time. Not much has changed (except, apparently, my photography skills...).

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About redandhoney

I blog at www.redandhoney.com!
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3 Responses to On Being Pregnant… Again.

  1. naomi says:

    I am so jealous (and happy for you) you look incredible!

  2. Krista says:

    You look great! It definitely is different the 2nd, and in my case the 3rd, time around. And the 2nd trimester has always been my favourite! Though I’m still enjoying it right now, at 29 weeks. Not feeling too huge yet. 🙂

    Krista

  3. Nana Jan says:

    I am amazed at how much the little red-head girl looks like Isaac when he was that age. Awesome!

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